My mother was a stay at home mom. She wasn't always she used to work. when I (the third in my family of ten) was younger. I don't recall exactly when, but at some point in my early childhood she stopped working.
The good: There's no greater feeling than knowing that you have as big as possible a part in your child's upbringing. This facebook fan knew that she wanted to do it from the start, at least until her children are in school:
…Well now we are home schooling so looks like I'm in it for the long haul. I think for us it would have been me working just t o pay for a good daycare, which is pointless in my opinion. Or if I was working to make more than paying for daycare then the children would have to be without either parent for half the day, which is also not to my liking. I want to raise my kids. I wanted to be there for their firsts, for when they learn something new… I want our values to be my children's values… I think the only thing I sacrifice is some alone time, but if I want it I only have to ask my SO and I can get some.
You simply can't compare the one-on-one care and attention that a child gets when at home with a parent who loves him more than anything in the world to the systematic care of daycare. You also can't compare the ability of a mom to focus on children after school if she is also after a day of work. Staying at home often means more home cooked meals, and therefore a healthier diet.
I volunteered to get laid off when my job was making cutbacks. I was hoping to quit anyway, so getting a severance package made it easier. My husband works anywhere from 10-18 hours a day, and the shopping, child rearing, appointments, cleaning, etc wa s entirely up to me. It wasn't feasible to keep working full-time. We were both worn down, and I was spending every cent I made paying daycare, sitters, cleaning help, and restaurants. It was a bit of sacrifice monetarily, but we reworked our spending and made it work. I am so happy to be the person home always available for my daughter, and that I have zero stress regarding who is going to handle carpool, or scrambling for a sitter when my kid is sick. It's always me who gets to take care of her, and we have so many adventures during school breaks and summers. I love it.
The challenges: While many parents agreed that paying for daycare would swallow the entire (or most of the) salary, many others said that the financial compromise would be too much. This, for most moms interviewed was the biggest deciding factor that made them go to work.
Eventually children go to school anyway (unless you choose to home school). I live in a community where everyone sends children to private school. This means that regardless, we pay all pay tuition, averaging about $10,000 ,000 annually PER CHILD! That means that some families need two working parents just to cover the tuition costs later on.
and not to open a can of worms, but I would never choose to stay home if it means that I have to live on welfare and tuition assistance, because that's not the message that I want to raise my children with.
Most parents seemed to agree that the toughest challenge to over come was: will we make it? Most who said that they can then had to compromise on standards of living, for the privilege of staying home.
Circumstances led to me being a stay at home mom, I've never gone without working. While I enjoy seeing my son growing up, it's very stressful at times to be home and not contributing to the household income, and to be so dependent on someone else's income … And I never….ever… Get a break. I sacrificed advancing my career… The cost of daycare where we moved to (we moved for my husbands career) is insanely high, and the baby in January was unexpected… I think he has higher expectations for coming home and finding toys all over the place or the dishes not done on some days. I just kind of feel trapped in the current situation, and the part of me that is used to working and being a professional is anxious to get back at it. I did start a business from home, but given my toddlers sporadic sleep schedule, it's hard to devote enough time to that business.
Staying at home means that you are financially dependent on your husband. It also means that further down the line, when you may want to go back to work, you will be starting from scratch in your profession. This is the challenge that my mother, who, 20 something years ago was a computer programmer, is facing. She decided to study web development, though she hasn't started working again.
When making the choice to work or stay home (and I put it in quotes, because for many, like myself, there really is no other option), most people don't think about how their salary will be affected a few years down the line. They are thinking about whether they can afford to pay living expenses now, and also save some money for a rainy day.
Many moms also said that they were very lonely. This is currently my biggest challenge. I don't go out much, and I don't have work friends. Most days, have no adult interaction other than my husband.
